PlanetLightworker – July 2007 

THE DECISION TO HEAL 
Is a hard one to make
It's easier to wallow 
And pity your Fate

"Why Oh God
Is this happening to me?"
This is the cry that comes
When we don't take responsibility

We sit all alone and ask
Where is the One?
Without asking our Self
What have you done?

To create a life closed 
From deep Intimacy and connection
To keep your heart encased 
Behind thick walls of protection

So as you wonder
Why lovers don't last
Clues can be found
In the vaults of your past

Once I picked one who was
Soon to be married
It made me feel safe
Allowed me to get carried

Away with the Romance
And elusive ideal of it all
None of it was real
That dream one day had to fall

Another resided 
A long way overseas
How fortunate for me
He'd never get on his knees

And propose to a girl
Who was just like him
Who liked it all Casual
Just jet in on a whim

One other was like a project
My objective to save
Him from his addiction
The Queen and her Knave

I kept Love at the door
There was no room for that
His Passion was for drugs
Mine for Saviour-like chat

I know why I chose them
I'm sure you can tell
If I keep them all at a distance
I won't go through the hell

When eventually they leave
As they always do
My heart won't be broke
Cause I never opened it for you

I won't have to get Hurt
If I don't let you all the way in
Let's keep it surface level
No deeper than skin

Of course I didn't think
I was living this way
I blindly wondered why I kept choosing men
Who made my heart pay

Did the one who abandoned me
Scar me so deep
That I decided age seven
To never again take that leap

Into the abyss
Of the unknown
Where great love can happen
And then leave you alone

Today I'm all grown up
And I know it wasn't me who he left
But my Inner child doesn't know that
And to my words she's been deaf

How can you be sure, she asks
That you won't be hurt again?
I'm staying right here
In the Warmth of my den

I plead with her to come out
And listen to what I have to say
Don't you know we are hurting anyway
By living this way?

I've kept my heart closed
To avoid being wounded like then
But in keeping it shut I've hurt myself 
Again and again

I have come to learn
That to love you must Jump
You must open yourself
To feel your heart pump

I came to believe I'd rather not love
Than risk hurting once more
I've come to know I'd rather risk hurt
Than not feel Love touch my Core

And so I am ready
To finally heal
To open my heart fully
And experience a love that is real

If this is your Story
Or you have one that's kinda the same
Let go of the tape 
That's running on shame

This tape is the voice
Of your scared inner child
Sitting frozen inside you
Underneath issues all piled

Layers and layers 
Of things not owned and not heard
Layers that taught you
Love that came your way burned

Sometimes the day comes
To let the layers go
So you can find out what true love feels like
Ask your inner child, she or he will know.

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